all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This baby is an asshole
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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