Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
