I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
