Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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