I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Be still, my beating vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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