Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
