I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
