Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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