Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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