We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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