I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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