I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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