I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
