Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
