Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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