My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
