I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
