Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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