oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
