I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
