My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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