Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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