So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
