I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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