She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
