He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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