I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
