i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
