He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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