If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it hurts more in the daytime
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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