So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
