ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
