wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
