It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
