The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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