Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
