Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
