You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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