I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
