Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
