Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
