Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
