I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
