moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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