she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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