pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
