She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
farters have to be the big spoon...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
