Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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