Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
