Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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