I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
