He uses pillows to masturbate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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