Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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