Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
