new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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